The Phantom Pimp Chapter 1: Crusty Misconceptions
by FlareGenesisRagnarokAbsolute
Summary: This is unimportant, a normal guy struggling through his every day life, living in the moment; an absolute loser who cant get shit done except jerk off. His life took a dark turn because of a big misunderstanding. The true story of what actually happened in persona 5. Absolutely realistic, no personas, only the everyday masks we all wear. Chapter one Will continue if enough demand


Once upon a once-upon-a-time-ity there was one man in a world that existed just like everyone else.

Yes, he wasn't very special but he made it special because he is in this very story.  
Haha, his name is unimportant, but it didn't fit properly on the contract he had to sign, because it was limited to 8 characters, also he needed a second name, which is why he called himself Unimport Ant.  
And therefore we will just just call him Ant.

Yes, because the story is too lazy to call him Joker which is just 2 characters more.  
And so will the rest of his companions be(spoiler oops).  
jk its because ill have an excuse to make others call him Ant-kun and shit.

He found himself in a very bad situation.  
Indeed very bad.  
He did all he could but to no avail because life sucks.

Your question might be:  
"What did he do?"  
Ill tell you;

Jerk off like everyone else in bed and realize he didn't fucking move one finger all day except the one between his legs, he stood up for the first time in ever today, hungry like a man who jerked off all night, put on his cum-stained glasses and changed his pants to those which weren't as smelly to go out to the next convenience store to buy some snacks.

On the way to the convenience store he got lost however, because he never left the house.  
But that wasnt the worst that happened that night.  
It was outside, when he saw the bald guy.  
After witnessing the bald guy, he decided to change the side of the street he walked on.  
Trying to pass by, desperate not to look at his shiny head that seemed to emit the lightestest of light even in the sinisternisterness of all 2ams ever, he failed and actually seemed to be attracted to it like a moth.

It was then he stumbled because of his lack in physical excersize.  
Blinded by the light however, he couldnt see which direction he would fall in, so he decided to not fall at all and just stare at the bald head while nature fell on him instead, resulting in Ant pushing over the bald guy.

The bald guy, being a normal human being like everyone else, reacted with a "what the fuck" followed by the usual "who are you" and "Ill call the police", which he did, because Ant popped a boner at that moment and the hand of the bald guy unfortunately stroked his sticky member of the society we live in.

Also his wife was with him and witnessed everything.

The legal process was even less interesting than this encounter and will therefore not be mentioned.  
It was quite amusing to see Mr. Bald Guys wife rant about hikkikomoris and gay people though.  
They divorced a short time after and ever since that day Bald guy lost more hair than ever due to stress and child support.

The case was so embaressing to Ants parents, that they exiled him for one year to make themselves feel less bad about their failed parenting, but Ant being a normal human being like everyone else didnt know that, so he felt guilty and didnt jerk off for a day, before he was kicked out and made to apply to a school.

His new home was that of a guy called Sojiro Sakura, who was a friend of a friend who reluctantly accepted Ant, because he didnt know the circumstances of the legal case as well as everyone else and he never will because he knows that he doesnt want to know.

He is a coffee and curry junkie too.

He also has horrible diarrhea and will never bother Ant about anything smell related, because his own smell drives away almost all customers, even though his coffee is actually above below-average unlike most above-averagely rated coffee shops.

After Ant lost his way to Sojiros home and terrorized the whole neighborhood with his presence, he eventually found the shop and found himself in the awkward situation of facing another human being and having to talk to them.

Their first day together was very silent.

"Hi, im Unimportant" said Ant  
"I know, you look like it and your parents told me" Sojiro replied  
A: "So uh... where will i sleep?"  
S: "Upstairs, but its cluttered"  
S: "Im too lazy to move, so you go clean up and make it liveable there"  
A: "Okay thanks"  
S: "Yeah whatever..."  
S: "but make sure not to break shit"

Usually this is the norm.  
Really, they dont talk much.

Grown men, two of them.  
And they barely know each other.  
Yes, what do you expect?

For the rest of the first day, Ant used the opportunity to clean his room to stain his room before cleaning his room before staining his room again.

Sojiro luckily witnessed only the cleaning aspect, so he wasnt particularily bothered by the occasional moans and other odd sounds coming from Ants new room, thinking he is moving furniture or suffering horribly, which he was okay with.

Sojiro left a note saying "ill show you school tomorrow" on the bathroom door, which Ant chose to ignore, until the crust on his underpants woke him up and made him shower before he fell asleep on his smelly bed.

The next day Sojiro showed Ant the School.  
They talked to people they had to talk to like the Principal Kobayakawa.  
Ant got a hardon looking at his homeroom teacher Kawacummy but thats the most memorable thing that happened that day, honestly.  
I can still give you an idea of what happened:

Principal: "Hmm..."  
P: "Ah yes, you are unimportant?"  
A: "yes"  
P: "Ok, this is your homeroom teacher Kawakami"

Ant thoroughly analyzed Kawacummy. Usually shed seem like anyone else, with her curly hair and comfy wear but Ants experience looking at porn and hentai all day he knew that her hair was the result of thorough fuckings and her clothes those easily discarded before being bombastically banged.  
The sweetish smell of her cunt was difficult to notice for people who arent perverts, since her perfume covered most of it up and her bra wasn't closed properly as if she was in a hurry before getting here, but Ant being the master of perversion noticed immedeately that she wasnt vanilla.  
Though he wasnt quite sure whether to pass judgement yet or not, he knew that shed play an important role in their future roleplay, especially since this is a fanfic about a roleplaying game and if i didnt mention her shed be unimportant, but thats Ants role already.  
"Nice" was the only word Ant was able to utter.  
Kawacummy looked at him with disgust, knowing he had a criminal record on top of noticing the musky smell coming from his crotch.  
"Ill be your homeroom teacher for the rest of this year" she said in an arrogant manner. "Don't think about misbehaving"

Ant being Ant he looked down on the floor and felt great for all the wrong reasons, since his mind pictured Kawacummy as a dominantrix while she uttered her judgemental words before he came in his pants, amplifying the smell he already exhibited.

Principal: "Nice, so now that we are done having this pointless introduction i can go back to doing important principal shit like kicking you out of my office" Which he did.

Ant and Sojiro went home after, not saying a single word except those that have to be spoken, which are none and they each went to bed with their routine nightly diarrhea and jerk.

The day after, Ant went to School, this time by himself, which resulted in him getting lost again.  
Thinking he was a genius, he realized he could just look at people with the same school uniform as him and follow them.  
So he did that.  
Glancing through the crowds and following the stream, eventually he had a good idea of where to go, because he had a nice round ass to look at while he went to school.  
That ass was Ann, who grew more and more uncomfortable in this situation and decided to call her favorite cuck teacher to pick her up and bring her to school like she did in the past.

Masoshida.

A Guy like everyone else, teaches sports but isnt actually that good at them and no one takes him seriously.  
Only in the school because the school is poor, run down, mostly paid by the government and accepts people like Ant.

She got picked up and gave Ant the most disgusted look ever, which gave him the ultimate hardon, since he could look down her cleavage while her expression made him feel so much more horny, he just had to go into a passageway to jerk off.  
Only to find out he was lost again.

Since he took his time there was no one left for him to look for and to find the way to school, which at this point was not even that far away.  
So he decided to walk around for a while getting even more lost, until he bumped into someone from the same school.  
He seemed like a thug, looking too cute and harmless though, combined with the stench of weed and the half smoked joint in his mouth he introduced himself:  
"Yooooooooooooo, im Ryuji, you from our school?"

Ryuji was the average pothead, being lazy and uncaring about everything until he smoked a J which made him overly enthusiastic about most arbitrary and little things on top of his general stupidity, trying to escape from his miserable life, since he lives alone with his divorced mom earning their daily meals by selling her cunt.

A: "Yes"  
R: "Niiiiiiiiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, u want sum too?"  
Never having smoked weed with some interest he nodded and took a sip before getting completely blasted.  
"Haha nice, must be your first time" Ryuji thought to himself.

They spent half of the day being totally stoned before realizing they are way too late to school.  
Most of the classmates as well as Masoshida noticed the smell of weed on Ant as well as him being accompanied by Ryuji before attending class.

Ant noticed Anns cleavage, making him smirk for the rest of the day, despite everyone else talking shit about him on top of failing to pay attention to any of his classes he had left to attend.

Eventually Ant got home and did the shit Sojiro makes him do routinely at night for the rest of the year.

The next day (and pretty much every other day) he went to school and arrived at a time appropriately inppropriate for people his age and his day consisted of looking at Anns and Kawacummys cleavage, sleeping in class and jerking off at the restroom.

After school, Ryuji and Ant met again to smoke more weed and talk about fleeting things.

This pattern seemed to continue for a while.

Eventually however Ryuji talked about the shortage of money he had ever since he started smoking and selling weed, talking about some dudes providing him with weed and needing money at the Schoolyard, when Ann came to them.

"Hey uhmm, i smell your weed like all the time and i havent had some in a while, so let me smoke with you or else ill report you to Kamoshida"

Ann was a bitch, middle class and a girl, entitled to all because of appearance and tits; she basically ruled over the school, which is why she has no friends, only beta orbitors and other middle class bitches jealous of the amount of betas that looked at her ass.  
Her favorite victims were Shiho and Mishima.

Ant and Ryuji looked at each other in resent before nodding and letting her in on the fun.

So they smoked some more.  
Obviously this is always how it begins.  
And since they have nothing else to do they continue their days indulging in their activities until they get noticed one day.  
Basically Masoshida found out because Ann couldnt shut her mouth, since the smell of betrayal originates from where bitches suck dick from.

Ant knew he couldnt let this shit get public so he did what every reasonable human being wouldnt.

One Morning he followed around Anns ass again, which she finally stopped ignoring and talked to Ant about.  
"Hey uhhhhh can you, like, maybe stop looking at my ass all the time?"  
"Nah, i look at your ass because i want to look at it"  
"Excuse me? Thats sexual harrassment and im going to report you"  
"Look, i have nothing to lose, now that you told Masoshida what were doing here"  
"Lmao, That's your problem"  
"Actually it's my solution"  
"Huh?"  
Ant slapped Ann like no one ever slapped her before and forcefully took her around the alleyway he jerked off so many times before.  
"WAAAH" Ann cried.  
"Nobody is going to save you now, Princess, youll do what i want, your screams are unheard in this alley because everyone knows i jerk off in here, so they stay away from all the sounds that originate from here hehe"  
"Whh- Wha- * _sob_ *"  
Ant unzipped his pants and thrusted his smelly cock down Anns throat, finally shutting her annoying voice up as well as getting off to the best fap material he could ever find, raping a real girl.  
This continued for a while and Anns spirit broke on top of her facade as the strong girl everyone saw her as.  
Ant recorded the whole session, the cumshots and wetness of Anns pussy she couldnt hold back.  
Finally he said "You will make Masoshida reconsider about reporting us, else ill publish these shots of your dirty cunt wet from being raped"  
To Ants surprise, Ann complied.

Not just that, the day after she accused Masoshida of rape and she actually started following Ant around school asking for a "reward" of some sort.  
Ant didnt know what she meant but he fucked and took more pics of her to blackmail her more but since he felt bad he let her smoke weed with Ryuji and him.

After the legal process and Ann recieving the money Masoshida had to pay, Ryujis and Ants problems with money vanished.

At this point everything seemed quite tame and normal until Ryuji introduced them to speed, which everyone got hooked on immedeately and therefore increased their problems with money.


End file.
